<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I Miss Elementary School by ladeedadaday</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22534450">I Miss Elementary School</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladeedadaday/pseuds/ladeedadaday'>ladeedadaday</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Heathers: The Musical - Murphy &amp; O'Keefe, Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A take on the 8th grade incident, Bullying, Canon Divergent, During Canon, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, J.D. is trying his best, Janis in the Plastics, Meeting Damien, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Seventh Grade through High School, Veronica is Janis's mom but they have different last names, Veronica is a good mom, janis is gay, oh and J.D. is alive</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:00:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22534450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladeedadaday/pseuds/ladeedadaday</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Janis is often mistreated by the Plastics. 80% comes from Regina. The other 20% is Karen &amp; Gretchen trying to impress Regina, which Janis doesn't mind, because she knows they don't mean it. She knows Karen doesn't mean it, anyway. She doesn't understand why Regina seems to hate her so much. They used to be best friends, but Regina gets meaner every day. See what happens.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Damian Hubbard &amp; Janis Sarkisian, Janis Sarkisian &amp; Jason "J.D." Dean, Janis Sarkisian &amp; Regina George &amp; Karen Smith &amp; Gretchen Wieners, Janis Sarkisian &amp; Veronica Sawyer, Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica Sawyer, Karen Smith &amp; Janis Sarkisian, Regina George &amp; Janis Sarkisian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Seventh Grade Pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She really didn't know why she let her daughter hang out with that blonde girl. Veronica had always been cautious of her daughter's safety. She loved her daughter more than life itself, and Janis was always a bit uncaring. She would do anything without a second thought, just like her father. </p><p>Veronica could see the pain her daughter's eyes every day after being picked up from Regina's house. Only a few years ago, Janis was so happy being friends with Regina, but now, she seemed to be reluctant to voluntarily hang out with Regina. Janis would flinch every time Regina's name was mentioned, and Veronica could tell that she was trying to hide it. However, Veronica was incredibly gifted at picking up on body language, so she would always notice even the slightest flinch or look of horror that displayed itself on Janis's face. </p><p>J.D. started to notice that something was wrong with Janis. He wasn't good with emotions whatsoever, but spending so much time with Veronica helped him. When his clearest emotions came, they were powerful, and he normally cried. He cried when he got married to Veronica, when he found out she was pregnant, and when their daughter was born. He loved his wife and his daughter more than he loved slushies. That said a <em>lot. </em></p><p>When he began to notice that she was hurting, he started to feel more protective towards her. Nothing too serious, just a few more "are you okay"s and he rushed to her side whenever he thought she might get hurt. </p><p>Janis was not stupid, Veronica Sawyer was her mother. She knew exactly what her parents were doing, just as she knew what Regina was doing.</p><p>Janis knew Regina was trying to take advantage of her. She knew that Regina's behavior was a response to the pain she had felt when her dad left her mom, and she knew that the behavior would likely never change. Still, it hurt.</p><p>Janis knew that her mom noticed her flinching. In actuality, she hoped that her mother would notice and talk to her. Her mom was probably too busy to deal with Janis's school troubles, and she was fine with that. Still, it hurt. </p><p>Janis knew that her dad was acting odd only because he cared. She knew that he wasn't good at dealing with anyone's emotions, including his. She knew that it wasn't his fault that he started to disengage from the conversation as soon as feelings were mentioned. Still, it hurt. </p><p>Yes, Janis was hurting, but she was coping. </p><p>But not in a healthy way. She thought that her physical pain would distract her from the war going on in her head, however, the little men that worked for Regina kept firing away at the tiny army she was fighting with. Just another reminder that Regina had way too much power over Janis's happiness and mental well being. </p><p>Once she started, she couldn't let herself stop. Her sweatshirts and long sleeves would keep her safe for now; Regina hadn't yet forced her to wear anything too far out of her comfort zone. It made her feel safe and in control, even when Regina decided to be extra terrible. </p><p>***</p><p>At school, Regina was in a bad mood, which Janis knew meant she'd be the victim of Regina's anger. </p><p>True to her predictions, she was. After school, they had scheduled to go to the mall where Regina told Janis to carry all of the bags that Regina filled with pink crap and shiny shoes which would probably be too small for her by the next year. </p><p>Just to rub salt in the wound, Janis was told to pay for all of their food and was told she couldn't get anything for herself. She did so, but when Gretchen and Regina went to the bathroom, Karen slipped Janis a few pretzel bites, which she scarfed down in time for the return of the other two girls. </p><p>"Thanks, Karen." She whispered, as Regina stalked back into earshot. Karen just nodded and started dancing to the music before Regina could question anything. </p><p>"Janis, would you stop slouching? It makes you look even fatter, and you can't afford that." Janis sighed, leaning her chin on her hand, staring away from her friends. "Ooh, look at that guy, he's so hot." Regina continued to blabber on about guys, Gretchen and Karen joining in occasionally while Janis stared at the wall, eyes occasionally flitting to a girl she kept seeing around town. "Hey, pay attention, slut." Regina snapped. Janis furrowed together her eyebrows; normally, she had a wonderful vocabulary, but this was a word Regina knew that she didn't. "Are you really that stupid?" She sighed and pretended to look at her phone. </p><p>"Regina, I have to go. My mom said she needs me to get home early. Dad shot the TV or something." Regina rolled her eyes but let Janis leave. Regina wasn't entirely air headed; she knew how scary Janis's mother could be if she was angry.  </p><p>Finally, she could tell her mom everything. </p><p>"Mom?" Her mother looked up into the rear view mirror and noticed the sad expression on Janis's face. </p><p>She tried to give Janis a reassuring and comforting smile, however it didn't express her intentions very clearly. "Yes, darling?"</p><p>"Could I talk to you?" Veronica nodded, waiting for her to continue. "Um... some bad stuff is going on at school. Regina called me something and I think it's bad but I don't know what it means."</p><p>"Does it end with a 't?'" Janis nodded, biting her lip as her mom's expression became upset. "Oh, sweetheart!" </p><p>"She said I was stupid because I don't know what it means." Janis sighed, turning to look out the window.</p><p>"Baby girl, would you like to watch a movie tonight?" Veronica turned to her daughter to see her nodding. "What do you want to watch?" </p><p>Janis hummed, trying to figure out something that would make her feel better. Veronica noticed that the expression her daughter wore was one that she often made. "How about the one with Lara Jean?"</p><p>Although it wasn't normally something she would let her daughter watch, she was incredibly mature, she was hurting, and J.D. wouldn't be home until 10, so she'd get some time with her daughter. "Alright. Do you want to tell your dad?" </p><p>"Um... I don't know. Dad's not good at this stuff and he scares me sometimes." </p><p>Veronica clicked her tongue. "Darling, you shouldn't be scared of your father." </p><p>Janis mumbled, "I know. But he carries a <em>gun.</em>" </p><p>"Hang on, what? He's not... oh, boy. Okay, darling, you know what? We'll watch the movie and then we're all going to have a talk. And I don't want you to go to Regina's after school tomorrow." Janis smiled, and just from that smile, Veronica could see how tired and broken her daughter had become. "You're so strong, sweetheart." </p><p>Janis laughed. "You're my mom. You saved a whole <em>high school</em>." It was good to hear Janis laugh again and really mean it. She missed the happy, little, bubbly girl that had been overtaken by the monster that was Regina George. "You're the strong one but I don't think you should have to do that all the time." Veronica smiled. <em>Yeah. We raised one damn good child. </em></p><p>"I know, darling, but I'm your mother. The most important job I have is to keep you safe. And that means your father and I are gonna have a talk. But for now," She pulled into their driveway, "Let's pop some Jiffy-Pop and watch this movie!" Janis grinned at her mother and they went inside together. </p><p>***</p><p>At the end of the movie, Veronica wiped the butter from around her mouth and said, "Did you eat at the mall today?"</p><p>"Oh. Um, Regina wouldn't let me and I couldn't afford anything after she made me pay for their food. Karen snuck me some pretzel bites while Regina was in the bathroom, though." Veronica's sour expression turned into a smile at Karen's kindness. </p><p>"I always liked that Karen girl." Janis nodded in agreement, chewing on the popcorn kernels. "I'll pay you back for their food, dear. That was incredibly wrong of them to do."</p><p>"No, it's fine." Veronica gave her a pointed look. "I just mean I don't need you to pay me back. I know what they did was wrong. They always do that." Janis leaned into her mother while she stroked her fingers through her hair. </p><p>They heard the sound of the front door being unlocked, which meant that J.D. was home. "Hello, my darling!" He called, seeing Veronica and a tired Janis together on the couch. "What's wrong, Jan?"</p><p>"Regina." She sighed. He sat down next to Janis and held her hand in his much larger one. </p><p>"Ronnie, she reminds me of Heather." Veronica snorted. </p><p>"Who's Heather?" J.D. and Veronica shared a look of equal confusion.</p><p>"It's a long story, dear." Veronica decided on saying. "Now, my darling, Janis and I have something we need to talk to you about." </p><p>A look of confusion flashed on his face. "Is everything okay?</p><p>"Not really." Veronica sighed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Seventh Grade Pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh, Janis." J.D. wrapped his arms around his shaking daughter. "Sweetheart, it's not true. None of the stuff she's saying is true, I promise."</p><p>Veronica finished braiding Janis's hair. "I know... but it still really hurts. She's <em>supposed</em> to be my best friend."</p><p>"She's not, darling. <em>Nobody </em>treats their best friends like that." Janis nodded. "Do you want to stay home from school tomorrow? I have work off."  She nodded once more. </p><p>J.D. smiled down adoringly at his daughter who was now being held by her mother. "Maybe we can all have a movie night tomorrow once I get home. How about that?" The two girls smile in agreement. He took her hand, rubbing his fingers across the bony structure. "Darling, have you been eating enough recently?" </p><p>"She won't let me. She keeps saying that I'm too fat to be her friend or something like that." The look on Veronica's face could only be described as one of horror and pain. The first tear that slid down her cheek was out of anger and disbelief. </p><p>"Janis." Veronica cried, holding her tighter.</p><p>"Darling, how have you been putting up with her for so long?" He said, absentmindedly playing with her pink sleeves. </p><p>"I'm so scared of what she's gonna do to me if I don't listen to her." She whimpered. J.D. inhaled shakily. </p><p>"Sweetheart, if it's this bad, we'll pull you out of school, it's not okay." Janis frantically shook her head. "What do you mean? Why not?"</p><p>"Dignity." She sniffled before adding, "The only thing worse than going back is not going back at all. I have to at least finish the year."</p><p>Veronica smiled with tears in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you Janis. You're very strong."</p><p>"'Dignity,' huh? You really are my daughter." He bopped her nose. "Know what 'inchoate' means?" </p><p>She thought for a moment. "Imperfectly formed or only partly in exsistence, right?" </p><p>"That's right! I thought you weren't gonna know that one. She gets it from you, Ronnie." Veronica wiped her eyes and Janis pulled her parents closer. </p><p>"This is nice." Their pile was a mass of entangled limbs, Janis lost somewhere in the middle. </p><p>"From now on, when I pick you up from school, I'd like you to tell me what Regina does or says, alright?" Janis nods, eyes drifting shut. "Okay, Janis, why don't you get to sleep." She pulled herself off the couch and gave her parents a hug before she went upstairs to change. </p><p>"She's a strong girl, like you. I think she's gonna be okay." Veronica cuddled closer into his side.</p><p>"I'm just worried that she'll be too much like me. I was a messed up kid." Her head rested on his chest. "I love her so much. She doesn't deserve anything like this. I love you, too, by the way. You're a wonderful father, you know." </p><p>He started working at the knots in her shoulders. "You're a great mother, and I love you. Let's go say goodnight." Holding hands as they went upstairs, they heard the faucet shut off. Once they opened her door, Janis was already in her bed. "Goodnight, Janis." He kissed the top of her head. </p><p>"Goodnight, Dad. I love you." He stepped out, leaving the two girls together.</p><p>"Night, honey. I love you, and I'm so proud of you." </p><p>"I love you, too. By the way, will you do something for yourself tomorrow?" Veronica laughed. "It seems like you never get a break. Just do something nice for yourself, please?"</p><p>She sighed. "Okay. Goodnight, hon. Get some sleep, alright?" </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Eighth Grade Pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: Self-harm, mentions of eating disorders however not specified.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And you're sure you want to go back to school?" Veronica asked, over the dinner table one summer night.</p>
<p>"Mom, I told you, I'll be fine! Even if Regina is still a jerk, I have other friends. I have Gretchen and Karen." Janis insisted. </p>
<p>Veronica shot J.D. a worried look. "Listen, if it gets bad, we just pull her out and home school her, okay? I know a few people. Stacey from work home schools her kids," She seemed to ease up at this statement. "She'll be fine, Ronnie." </p>
<p>She looked at Janis once more before sighing, "Well, okay." </p>
<p>----</p>
<p>The first day back was a nightmare. Janis was late to most of her classes, earning several <em>looks </em>from teachers. "Sorry, I'm really sorry," She would respond, shuffling to the only available seat. </p>
<p>Lunch was even worse. It turns out Regina had become even more of a bitch over the summer, and was already exiling Gretchen to the art freaks table because she forgot to wear pink. Janis sent her a sorry smile as she picked at her lunch. "Janis, I think you've had enough, you should stop." </p>
<p>"I'm trying to not get an eating disorder, thanks." She responded, not even thinking about Regina's reaction. </p>
<p>"Well, <em>I </em>only want you to be pretty enough." Janis rolled her eyes so hard it started to hurt. "You should want that, too." </p>
<p>"Regina, you don't get to choose what I want for myself. I think I'm pretty enough, and that's what matters. So just shut up, will you?" She ate the rest of her lunch and returned,, not daring to even look in Regina's direction. </p>
<p>----</p>
<p>"How was your first day back?" Janis shrugged, shutting the door. "Not good, fine, or good?" </p>
<p>"Normal. Fine. Not used to my schedule yet." Veronica stayed silent. "Can I turn on some music?" </p>
<p>"Oh, sure." </p>
<p>When they arrived home, Janis immediately ran to the bathroom, however Veronica was too tired to notice or worry. </p>
<p>She searched through the cabinet under the sink, her hand finally finding the new razor blade. "Gotta be smart about this..." She whispered, rolling up her sleeve. "Hmm... I wonder..." Janis sliced along her forearm, hardly even wincing when it started to sting. Letting out a shaky breath, she dabbed at the blood with some toilet paper and covered it up with her sleeve.</p>
<p>As silently as she could, she slipped out of the bathroom and into her room to begin her assigned reading. </p>
<p>----</p>
<p>The year continued on. Janis kept hating life and she kept cutting herself only to feel like she was finally in control of something. And then it happened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Eighth Grade Pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Janis, I can't invite you to my birthday because I think you're a lesbian, and I can't have a lesbian at my pool party because there are gonna be girls there in their bathing suits." Regina stated, as if it were the most obvious statement she could possibly make. Janis found herself speechless, the worst possible thing she could be at this very moment. Her thoughts were racing faster than the racecars she'd seen on TV.<em> Wait, what just happened? Why is this so sudden? Why is she doing this? What's wrong about being a lesbian? I'm not one, am I? JUST SAY NO, JANIS, JUST SAY SOMETHING!</em> "I mean are you a lesbian? What are you?" Regina yelled. The other girls started laughing at her and Janis prayed that she wouldn't let herself cry in front of everyone. </p><p>Her chest rose and fell faster and faster. She felt like she was lost and she had no idea how to get back home. What to do? What to say? She finally mustered up enough courage to speak again. "I... am A SPACE ALIEN, and I have FOUR BUTTS!" She yelled, immediately cringing as Regina strutted away, laughing. Janis felt a wave of cold air wash over her. Shivering in her denim jacket, she headed to her first class, thankful that she didn't share this one with Regina. Mostly distracted by her thoughts, she didn't realize just how much paint was getting on her jacket. She hummed to herself. "I like it... mom's gonna kill me though." </p><p>The rest of her art class was pretty messy and when she was finished with her painting she was proud of it for once. However, she was too lost in her painting to realize that people had been throwing wads of paper at her throughout the class. She shook some out of her hair, combing through it with her fingers. "Would you mind picking those up, please?" The teacher said it in such an accusatory tone that it made Janis want to roll her eyes and ignore her, but she turned around and picked them up before tossing them into the trash can. "Thank you." </p><p>"Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't even make them, what more could you possibly want from me?" The teacher shook her head disapprovingly when an idea struck Janis. She took a scrap piece of paper, crumpled it up, and threw it at her painting, pulling it away and leaving a texture. Impressed with herself, she left the painting to dry and went to the sink to wash her brushes. </p><p>When she returned, the painting was completely ruined. In the short time she had been gone, somebody had poked holes in it and poured paint on top of the actual picture. She balled up her fists and raised her hand, showing the teacher the messed up painting. "That wasn't the assignment." </p><p>Janis calmed herself before saying, "I'm very much aware, but while I was watching my brushes, someone decided it would be hilarious to pour paint on my painting and then poke holes in it." </p><p>"Listen, I am <em>done</em> with your foolish antics and you--" Thankfully, the bell rang before the teacher could say much more. "Alright, class dismissed." She scooped up her belongings and began her walk down the hallway. Instead of strutting like she used to, she kept her head down and moved as quickly as she could, occasionally being shoved left with a remark like, "Watch where you're going!" </p><p>She shook it off, turning on autopilot for the rest of the first half of the day. That all changed when she approached her locker before lunch and saw the big, bold, black letters written in Sharpie on her locker. It felt like the ground was about to open up and swallow her. Janis could barely move her limbs to get away. </p><p>Making her way to the bathroom, she pulled out a nail file from her pocket and rolled up her sleeve, no longer bothering to hold back tears. Once she finally arrived, she found herself in the hidden corner, however, someone else was already occupying the spot. "Are you okay?" She stared at him in disbelief. "Sorry, that was dumb. Can I do anything for you?" </p><p>"Depends. Got anything sharp?" She sniffed, sliding down next to him.</p><p>He looked shocked. "No, but even if I did, I don't think it would be good idea to give it to you." She sighed. </p><p>"Probably a good idea. What's your name?"  Janis asked, rolling up her sleeve and rubbing the file against the skin on her forearm. </p><p>"Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?" He said, pulling the file from her hand. "What are you doing that for?"</p><p>She reached for the file but he wouldn't let her take it back. "Give it back!" </p><p>"Do you think I'm crazy? There's no way in hell I'm just gonna let your hurt yourself, darling." She slowly rolled down her sleeve. She knew he saw the cuts, but neither of them said anything about it so she found it would be easier to simply ignore it. "I saw what they wrote on your locker. I get how hard it is. I'm Damian by the way." </p><p>"Janis." She said. </p><p>"Wait. Hold on in the name of Mariah Carey, you're Veronica Sawyer's daughter, aren't you?" Janis nodded. "You look exactly like her. That's so crazy." </p><p>She felt herself getting more nervous thinking about her mom and how she'd react. "I got my dad's eyes. I've got blue but my mom has brown." Janis leaned her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "I don't wanna go back out there because they're all gonna laugh at me and call me a dyke and I can't take it." </p><p>"I know. But it gets easier and it does stop hurting after a while, and I'll always be here if you've gotta talk to someone or if you're just not okay, or just cause your friends suck." Janis grabbed his hand and squeezed. </p><p>"I can't breathe," She whispered. Her throat was dry and her hands were shaky and she was sweating profusely. "I can't breathe." Tears welled up in her eyes and she squeezed her eyes shut as Damian wrapped his arms around her, dragging his fingers around her back. "Damian..."</p><p>"Janis, you're safe. I'm right here and you're not gonna die. I will not leave you. I just need you to squeeze my hand. Can you do that for me?" She nodded, shaking. She weakly squeezed his hand. "Sweetheart, I know you can squeeze harder," He prompted. This lasted for a few more minutes until Janis was steadily breathing again. "You did amazing, Janis."</p><p>"W-what just happened?" Her voice was still shaky and Damian still held her. "First time?" She shook her head. </p><p>He grabbed her tighter. "I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was dying." Damian kissed the top of her head. </p><p>"Do you wanna call your mom?" Without even thinking, Janis nodded. "Okay. I'll be with you the entire way, just look down and hold my hand."  </p><p>And so she did. It was hard to hear all the taunts yelled at her but she made it to the office. She was given the phone to call her mom. </p><p>"Mom, I know you're at work but I really need you to come pick me up. It's Regina. Okay. I love you, too. Bye." Janis handed the phone back. </p><p>Veronica burst into the office, holding Janis's tear stained face in her hands. "What the fuck did they do to you?" Her voice came out in a whisper but it was still scary. </p><p>"Janis, would you like to show your mother you locker?" She nodded, sighing. "Mr. Hubbard, you can return to class." </p><p>Veronica stood in front of the locker, Janis opting to look away. Veronica squeezed her hand. "Let's go. Get your stuff. I'm taking you home and you aren't coming back." </p><p>----</p><p>"I think... Regina might be right. But I don't understand why it's bad." Janis later admitted to her parents. </p><p>"It's not, honey. It's okay if you like girls." J.D. reassured her.</p><p>Veronica smiled. "I like guys <em>and</em> girls. Bet you didn't know that." Janis smiled at her mother. "It's hard, but it's worth it." </p><p>"When I was with Damian during lunch he said I had a... what did he call it?" Veronica looked at J.D. worriedly. </p><p>"A panic attack, darling?" Janis nodded. "Hmm. You feel like you're dying and you can't breathe and you just can't stop shaking."</p><p>"Yeah. But Damian was there and he held me until I started to feel better." J.D. pulled her closer and she laughed.</p><p>"There she is! There's my JanJan!" There were only smiles in the room. "I think home school is gonna be good for you." </p><p>Janis closed her eyes and J.D. brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Darling, may I ask you something?" Janis nodded, eyes still closed. "Will you tell me what this is?" Janis looked at her mom who was holding a bloody razor blade. "Janis?" Janis took off her jacket, staring straight forward, not daring to make eye contact with either one of her parents. Her arms were cut and scarred and red and her parents were horrified. </p><p>"Are you mad?" Janis asked, looking at the floor.</p><p>"No, sweetie, of course not! I'm just worried about you. You're my daughter and I love you I don't want you to hurt like this." Veronica walked upstairs, leaving Janis with her father.</p><p>"Where's she going?" Janis asked.</p><p>Her father wrapped his arms around her. "She's probably getting rid of everything you could hurt yourself with."</p><p>"Oh." She whispered. </p><p>----</p><p><strong>unknown: </strong>janis</p><p><strong>unknown: </strong>janis please tell me you're okay</p><p><strong>unknown:</strong> people are saying you killed yourself are you okay</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>who is this?</p><p><strong>unknown: </strong>damian</p><p><strong>janis:</strong> yeah i'm fine</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>oh thank julie andrews</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>you're weird</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>awe thanks!!!</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>so why aren't you at school</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>i'm homeschooled now buddy</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>ok when can i see you again</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>idk my window's always open tho</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>kk see you later</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>can't wait</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Summer Before Freshman Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Suicidal thoughts, self-harm mentions</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was summer vacation, and as soon as school got out, Damian came straight to Janis's house. "DAMIAN!" She yelled, launching herself into his arms. </p><p>"JANIS!" He picked her up and swung her around. Once she was let down, she dragged Damian downstairs to the basement to start their movie marathon. </p><p>"How was the last day?" She asked, pressing a handful of popcorn to her lips, slowly eating it. (I do this and I don't know why I do it, but it seemed like a Janis thing so it's in here.) </p><p>"Meh. How've you been recently?" Janis shrugged. "Seems like you've been doing better." She nodded. "Your art's getting really good. And you've stopped...?"</p><p>She bit her lip, playing with his fingers. "Mostly. I get bad days sometimes and then I really can't help it, but it's not constant anymore." </p><p>"Good job, JanJan." She rolled her eyes at the nickname she only let him and her dad call her, snuggling into his side. </p><p>The rest of the night was spent cracking jokes, dancing to songs, (half musical theatre, half a random assortment of depressing songs,) waltzing jokingly and stepping on the other person's feet, eating a <em>lot </em>of food, talking, a little bit of crying, and watching more movies. They were both exhausted by the time they went to sleep, but they had just had more fun in one night together than they had throughout their entire lives, so neither of them complained. </p><p>She woke up tossing and turning and in the dark. She had no idea where she was and she was terrified. "So dark... where am I?" </p><p>"Janis, why are you up?" Damian groaned, turning around to look at her. "Nightmare?" </p><p>"I don't know. Don't remember what I was dreaming about. Just woke up and I got scared." He grabbed her hand silently to comfort her. "Go back to sleep, 'm fine."</p><p>Damian pulled her against his chest by her waist. "Need you to fall asleep first, sweetheart. You're always so tired." She sniffed and squeezed the hand around her waist. </p><p>"Aw, Damian," Janis whispered, letting her eyes fall shut. "You really don't have to worry about me." He didn't respond so she assumed he'd fallen asleep, not even close to keeping his promise. "Night, dude." </p><p>----The Next Morning----</p><p>"Morning, kids. How'd you sleep?" Veronica asked as the two teenagers entered the kitchen, smelling bacon and eggs.</p><p>"Pretty good. I woke up in the middle of the night but I fell back asleep pretty fast." Veronica nodded, placing plenty of food on both of the plates. "Mom..." Janis whispered.</p><p>She was met with raised eyebrows. "Janis, you've got to at least try. Here..." Veronica pulled off a few pieces of bacon and a spoonful of eggs. "Think you can do that much?" </p><p>Janis sighed. "Yeah..." </p><p>"Okay, thank you." Damian gave Janis a grin, which she returned nervously. He grabbed her hand under the table. </p><p>"You're gonna be fine, JanJan." Veronica looked at Janis, smiling widely. </p><p>"He and your father get to call you 'JanJan' but the woman who birthed you can't?" Janis shrugged in a very exaggerated manner. Her mother laughed and then sat down and joined them in eating. Janis had stopped eating and leaned back in her chair, with only a few bites left. "You're almost done, Jan." </p><p>"I'm full. I don't want to eat anything else."</p><p>Veronica studied her face. "Okay, darling. You did good today." Janis looked down at her lap. </p><p>Her body language was weird and tense so Damian squeezed her hand. "Jan, sweet, are you doing okay?"</p><p>"Bad day." She whispered.</p><p>"Ms. Sawyer, can I bring her back downstairs?" With a nod from her mother, he picked her up from her seat and carefully carried her back downstairs. "Not a good day, huh?" He said, laying her down on the mattress. "Can you talk to me?" </p><p>Her voice hardly came out as more than a whisper as she pulled her jacket tighter around her. "I woke up this morning and all I could think about was why I hate myself so much. I know most of it's not true but that doesn't really help." He took her recently dyed hair and ran his hands through it, preparing his way to calm her. </p><p>"You are amazing. I know it's hard because the nasty thoughts keep telling you you're worthless, but you have to believe me when I tell you that they're wrong. I love you so much. You're incredibly talented, and an amazing best friend, and your jokes are hilarious, and you're such an awesome daughter. This world is so lucky to have you, and I'm really lucky that I get to have you as my best friend." She said nothing and couldn't force herself to move, but Damian knew she was at least taking in everything he was saying. </p><p>"I feel worthless. Really worthless. Like the world would be so much better if the space dyke could manage to just stick the blades into her wrists a little further." </p><p>"I'm gonna get your mom." He immediately said, rushing up the stairs. </p><p>"I'll be here." She said, rolling over onto her side. Damian knew that something was up when she didn't argue at all. </p><p>She could hear her mother's heels clicking on the stairs as she and Damian rushed into the basement. The next moment, her mother's warm hands were holding her face. "Janis, what's going on?" </p><p>Janis pulled her face away. "Too much everything. I kinda wanna die but neither of you would be okay so I'm not gonna but it hurts." Her sentences didn't make much sense, but she was trying to speak while being constantly bombarded with thoughts in her head, so neither of them judged her. </p><p>"Just relax. It's all gonna be okay." Veronica promised, and somehow Janis knew that she'd do her best to keep it. </p><p>Eventually, Janis fell asleep and the still awake pair snuck upstairs. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Summer Before Freshmen Year Pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before school started up again, Damian made a mistake. He was fooling around and accidentally shaved the side of Janis's hair. She looked at him in horror, slowly turning and revealing the shocked expression on her face. </p><p>"Damian..." She picked up the hair that had fallen to the ground, looking at herself in the mirror. "Wait, that looks amazing!" </p><p>"I know. But your mom is gonna kill us. Primarily me." She nodded, knowing that's exactly what would happen. "Text her?" Janis nodded again, pulling out her phone from the pocket of her newly painted jacket. </p><p>"Hey, mom. So Damian and I may or may not have made a huge mistake and now a part of my head may or may not be shaved. Please let us live. I love you." She said announcing the contents of the text as she typed it out. "Okay. Let's clean this up and inevitably go and freak out my dad." She threw away the hair, and took the razor, cleaning up the uneven side shave. </p><p>J.D actually screamed when he saw Janis for the first time. "Janis--! W-what?" </p><p>"It was an accident, I swear!" Damian quickly defended. </p><p>"No, no, I think it looks great, but your mother might actually strangle you." Janis looked down at her shoes. "I'll try to hold her back." He joked. Janis cracked a smile. "It's a good day, I'm assuming?" </p><p>"Damian's over. It's obviously a good day." She wrapped her arms around his waist.</p><p>"Aw, Janis..." He squeezed her hand. "You're amazing."</p><p>It wasn't all hugs and smiles when Veronica got home. "What the fuck did you do?" She held her phone to Janis, showing her the text message. "Janis... you need to ask before you do things like this."</p><p>"But it was a mistake! I didn't mean to do it!" She rubbed her temples. "I'm sorry, mom..." </p><p>Veronica opened her arms, which Janis stepped into so they could hug. "Just try not to scare me like that? It's okay that you did that and for what it's worth, I think you look great." </p><p>"You think I look great no matter what." She let go of Veronica. "I love you, mom." </p><p>"Why don't you two go watch something in the garage? I'll bring you some snacks." J.D suggested.</p><p>The pair made their way into the garage and turned on a movie.</p><p>"I feel like next year's gonna suck. But now that I have you, it's not gonna be so bad." She leaned against him, finally safe and comforted. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Freshman Year Pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Walking into her first day of freshman year was probably the bravest thing Janis had ever done. She was looking down but she could picture the stares of her fellow classmates, chills running own her spine hearing the buzz of the hallway stop and then picking up again, this time in whispers. "The hardest part is over, darling." The sensible part of her brain knew he was right, but the anxiety-ridden part of her was yelling at her that going back to Northshore was the worst idea she'd ever had in the entirety of her life. "You're okay. I'm right here." </p><p>"Okay. We can do it." He smiled, and they began the walk to their lockers, which were thankfully placed near each other so they wouldn't have to be apart for too long. She grabbed his hand as they walked into homeroom, keeping her head down and sitting in front of Damian. </p><p>"Hello, everyone, I am Ms. Norbury, I'll be your homeroom teacher this year. I'm going to pass out schedules, and good luck on your first day of high school!" She came around, passing out the schedules. Janis knew she would only have one class with Regina, but she was more worried about the classes she may not have with Damian. They swapped schedules to read over the other friend's classes. </p><p>"We've just got one different class. Which makes sense because you take art and I take drama." She smiled. </p><p>"With my luck, that'll be the one class I have with Regina." He gave her a pitying look. "I know, I shouldn't think like that. I just can't help it sometimes." </p><p>Damian smiled. "Darling, as long as you acknowledge it, it's okay. You're doing so much better than you were a few months ago. You're great." </p><p>"Okay..." He squeezed her hand a few times. "I love you." She sniffed. </p><p>"I love you, too, Jan." Suddenly she didn't feel so empty anymore. She felt loved and happy and that's really all she ever wanted. Of course she'd be teased in the hallway, and laughed at, but this time she would have Damian.</p><p>And the worst part was already over. She was already outed. The petition was already made, and the office had to apply it because Regina's parents were huge donators. Janis was no longer allowed in the girls bathroom or locker room. Coach Carr felt so bad that he always let her miss gym with no consequence. She decided that she was going to head out behind the school and draw whatever was on her mind. If anyone asked, she decided she'd ignore them.</p><p>Janis grinned like the Cheshire Cat when she found out that Regina was in her gym class. "The stars have finally aligned in my favor!" She yelled, to no one in particular. Maybe to the tree. Maybe she was crazy. She didn't actually care.</p><p>She drew the back of the school and she drew a sketch of her and Damian which she'd work on and paint later. "Janis, love?" She turned around to see Damian grinning at her. "You got lucky." </p><p>"I know. Finally," She laughed. </p><p>"Is that us?" He asked, pointing to the drawing. She nodded. "I think it's beautiful." </p><p>"This is just the sketch." He grinned, wrapping his arms around her. </p><p>Maybe it won't be such a bad year after all. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Freshman Year Pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is really short but I'm getting back into Heathers so I want to keep working on this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>J.D. knocked on his daughter's door. "Hey, JanJan?" </p><p>Janis sat up on her bed, shutting off her phone. "You can come in." He opened the door. "What?"</p><p>"We're going to the museum in about half an hour." She sighed. Her dad never did stuff like this, but when he did, she wouldn't get out of it. "I promise you're going to love it!" Janis just nodded. "If you end up hating it, we'll go get ice cream." She smiled to herself and offered her pinky to her father. </p><p>"Promise?" She was grinning. </p><p>He nodded, locking his pinky with hers. "I promise." </p><p>"Okay." He smiled at her before leaving her room.</p><hr/><p>Janis admired the paintings everywhere. Different colors, textures, styles. "Dad, this is awesome!" </p><p>He bopped her nose. "Didn't I tell you you'd love it?" Janis rolled her eyes, grabbing his hand and dragging him over to a painting which she rambled on about. He couldn't truly process what she was saying, however he was happy to see that twinkle in her eyes that had been gone. "Interesting. Right? I don't know, you seem interested." </p><p>"I am," She laughed. "I understand this stuff. Like, mom gets all the laws and stuff, and you get reading, and I just understand art. It isn't just me liking it, I can feel it and understand why it's there." He nodded. </p><p>"Are you sure you're just thirteen?" Janis sighed. </p><hr/><p>Veronica was already in bed when J.D. was ready to fall asleep. She smiled sleepily. J.D. leaned in to kiss her, which she gladly reciprocated. "How was your day, love?" </p><p>She hummed. "Fine. Lot better now that I'm with you." He rolled his eyes and kissed the tip of her nose. "How was yours?" </p><p>"You're perfect," He said, ignoring her question. J.D. wiggled his way under the covers and wrapped his arms around Veronica's waist. She turned to bury her face in his chest. "Veronica?" She looked up at him. "I love you more than anything. You mean so much to me and I don't tell you enough."</p><p>She laughed softly, kissing and biting at his neck. "I love you, too. I really do, baby." Veronica brought her hand up to play with his hair. "We've got a beautiful daughter and you're incredible to her. I wouldn't want a kid with anybody but you. I'm really happy she's got you." J.D. blushed. "C'mere, <em>I need you right now</em>." </p><hr/><p>"Come on, I was hoping to sleep tonight!" Janis complained. She could already hear her parents through the walls. </p><p><strong>janis: </strong>damiannnn</p><p><strong>damian:</strong> hey babe what's up</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>my parents are fucking and i want to sleep for once but i can hear them</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>oof</p><p><strong>janis:</strong> THEYRE SO LOUD</p><p><strong>damian: </strong>do you have headphones?</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>oh yeahhhh</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>you're a genius babe</p><p><strong>damian:</strong> mmm thank you i'll be here all week</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>i love you and i'm gonna try and sleep now</p><p><strong>damian:</strong> goodnight i love you too</p><p><strong>janis: </strong>love you more<br/></p><p><strong>damian: </strong>physically impossible</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>